Make that letter sing!

You may have heard that letter writing is no longer necessary. It’s outdated and part of the ancient process of communication  called snail mail. That may be true if you have not spent three months applying online for remote copywriting jobs. The magic fairy dust for a wobbly resume is THE COVER LETTER. Ugh. Impress the stranger reading your application! Show off your skills without sounding desparate! Stand out from hundreds of others competing for the same job! So much pressure to write the perfect letter.

I was recently gifted a fabulous vintage tool for my situation. It is a pamphlet titled, How to Write Letters for All Occasions, by Abigail Van Buren. Yes, the author is the syndicated guru known as “Dear Abby”. Surely the solution to my problem was at hand? Not so fast. Apparently a few things have changed since the MCMLXXXI copyright. (And yes, I had to use Google to make sure it was 1981.)

Some of my favorites are the suggestions for the following letters:
Thank you letter to a hostess – “…The barbeque at your home last Sunday will be long remembered. The relaxed atmosphere of you beautiful patio and the casual dress was a real treat for us…” or “…We ate too much and stayed too late, but that’s what happens when you are entertained by the best host and hostess in town!…”

How to use “Ms” as a salutation – Be certain to use a capital “M” and a small “s”. “MS is the abbreviation for Mississippi and Military Service…”

Letter after a broken  engagement (to accompany the return of gifts) – “…I am returning the beautiful present you gave me at Cousin Edna’s shower last month. Percy and I have decided that it is best to call off the marriage…Nevertheless, I want to thank you for the lovely nightgown. I hope it’s not too late to return it.”  

Thank you letter for a gift of money – “You could not have given me a more suitable gift than a check for $25…. I’ve been saving for a long time for a new stereo radio cassette player. Your check will get me over the top”.

Advice about writing a resume/cover letter is a wee bit dated:

Hire a temporary answering service if you will not be home at the number you provided on your resume

“…it is no longer necessary to list your age, religion, race or sex.”

“It goes without saying that one’s resume should be perfectly typed and spotless. And last, but by no means least, every statement should be absolutely accurate.”

Bonus information included? Suggestions for clever ways to enliven your printed stationery. How about “News from the Hughes” , Slowly but Shirley” or “Hello from Flo”? At this point I am thinking of something a little less perky for my own stationery today, like “Weary Jeri”. And that is absolutely accurate.